Reflecting on another trip back to Germany
Since the end of the last term, or more specifically during the last week of term, I took another trip back to Germany to film some more stuff for my film. I felt that I would have more of an idea of what to expect from this second trip after the failures and successes of my last trip, but as the diary I kept during the trip would suggest it didn’t quite go to plan (it’s quite long and fairly pointless, but there will be more underneath the diary so don’t give up on this page despite how many references there are to me hanging around a flat watching Curb your Enthusiasm).
Day 1 – Monday 28th March
I’m back in Germany. Was quite a staggered trip. Left Glasgow for Edinburgh at 6:00am, got to Stanstead at around 11:00am and then waited there for almost 9 hours. I watched IWOW: I Walk on Water. The flight was delayed and I didn’t arrive in Köln till around 11:00pm. Once I got off the plane and through customs I picked up some hummus, a crusty roll, a bag of tortilla chips and a bag of chocolate biscuits for my dinner. Sat and spoke over Google translate with Mustafa, a Turkish-Greek Muslim who had been living in Germany for 15 years. He is travelling to Greece alone to see his family for 3 days, leaving behind his wife and 5 children. Left him to try and find somewhere to sleep before my train to Wegberg in the morning. The airport is busier than last time. People are still checking in even at 1:00am
Day 2 – Tuesday 29th March
Hardly slept. The airport is so much busier than it was last time, and the cleaners seem to really dislike people sleeping in the airport. Waited around until the 5:04am train out of Köln, it was delayed which meant I missed my next two connections and didn’t get to Wegberg until 7:47am. The host of my Airbnb, Monika, hadn’t replied to my messages saying I was on my way, so I went to the Lidl, picked up some toothpaste, checked directions on the Lidl Wi-Fi and walked. Went through the centre of Wegberg, some areas seemed familiar but lots I had never seen before, it seems like a lovely town. I eventually got to the Airbnb and phoned the host as I still had no reply, she didn’t speak very good English but said somebody else in the building can let me in and that she would drive over as soon as possible. She drove over and showed me around the flat and told me I could use her mother’s old bike which is in the garage. I went to bed, intending on sleeping until around midday, but didn’t wake up till 3:00pm. Showered and unpacked my bag. Cycled out to the grocery shop nearby and got some food for the next week. Came home and cooked some potato cakes, mozzarella sticks and chips. Watched a few episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm and then went to bed
Day 3 – Wednesday 30th March
Woke up at 8:00am. The roll-down shutters made it hard to wake up as the room is completely dark. Showered and dressed. Had some muesli and tea and came up with my plan for the day. Left the Airbnb and cycled out towards JHQ. When I got to Koch and started to see JHQ through the trees I began to hear what sounded like machinery, potentially demolitions. Unsure what it was or where it was coming from I decided to cycle round the whole perimeter of JHQ as close to the edge as I could without looking too suspicious to see if I could see any signs of demolition. Up in the North East of the camp, around the Big House, I saw some cranes possibly tearing down trees, it wasn’t too clear what was happening, but there was a big barn nearby full of chopped wood so I assume this was what it was. I can’t tell if this is what I heard from the Koch side of JHQ though as it sounded much closer. Saw lots of deer, which is worrying as it means it could be hunting season, which would mean the shooting huts around the edge of the camp could possibly have people in them. As I came back around to where I started my loop and towards the area where I managed to get into JHQ on the Friday of my last trip I stumbled on a couple parked up and getting off with each other up against their car, they seemed to be in the process of taking off each other’s tops. There was also a van parked up next to their car. They didn’t see me but their dog did. I stopped at some benches on the outskirts of Koch and rested for a while. The sun was out but it was still quite cloudy and breezy. Took some shots looking towards JHQ which could possibly be put under the title card. Saw lots of dog walkers while I was doing this and could hear the couple’s dog barking when people got nearby. Wanted to go back up that way to try and get into JHQ but didn’t want to bump into them again. It was now midday and I felt it was too bright too try and get into JHQ, from where I was sat I could see people walking on the edge of the camp from some distance. Cycled back to Wegberg past the Rheindahlen Military Cemetery, think that this will be the best place to park my bike in future. As I cycled through Wegberg I stopped at a park in the centre of town, filmed some of the signs which had maps on them, parts of JHQ were visible on all of them which I found interesting. I also filmed a walk around the park which I feel might be possible to use to try and create an illusion of JHQ in the future once it is all demolished and turned into a nature reserve, this is the current plan for the site as far as I know. Got back to the flat, transferred all my footage onto my laptop, had some lunch and took a nap. Watched some more Curb Your Enthusiasm and contacted Adrian, the guy with the drone I met on my last trip, about meeting up. Had a pizza for dinner. Watched Hotel Yugoslavia which inspired me to try and film some JHQ footage in the dark. Went to bed
Day 4 – Thursday 31st March
Was planning on being up early to get to JHQ before all the dog walkers, but I overslept. Woke up around 9:00am. Had muesli and a cup of tea and checked the weather; due rain and possibly snow, and there is potentially going to be a storm this evening. This is what I was hoping for as the climax to my film so decided to have a slow morning and planned to be at JHQ for this afternoon/evening. Cycled out to JHQ around 1:00pm. Went to the Military Cemetery where I was planning to leave my bike but there was work being done on it and no bike rack, so instead I cycled out to Fuchsbau and left the bike there. From Fuchsbau I walked over to JHQ. Again, as I got close to the area where I went in last time, around the Koch area, I started to hear what was definitely the sound of machinery. Instead of cutting in I walked right along the edge of JHQ up to the way in by the Blue Pool, from here it was obvious that demolitions must be taking place, I couldn’t see explicitly what was being demolished but it sounded like it was coming from the Blue Pool area. I filmed some stuff walking around the fields and looking into JHQ from this area, I hope the sounds of the demolition were picked up but I am unsure. I didn’t want to go in from this area as there was clearly quite a lot of activity. So instead I walked back the way I came and considered going back in by Portadown Way again. I filmed a little bit walking along a road but didn’t feel like going any deeper in. Walked back towards the bike and decided to go up to the big barbed wire fence on the east side of JHQ and try and film some stuff looking in. I followed it round to a corner I had walked past hundreds, if not thousands, of times – the corner of Trenchard Road and Brialmont Road. From here I could almost see 2 For Far Way, was just a street further than what I could see. Being so close but unable to actually get over to it was overwhelming. I stayed in this spot for a while, hoping to have a guard drive past and ask me what I was doing, wanting some justification for my fear of going in and actually doing what I came here for. But nobody came. After a while I started walking back to the bike. On the way I decided I was going to go and speak to the guards at the main entrance, not sure what exactly I would say to them. I made my way over and explained that I used to live in JHQ, and asked if they knew what the plan was for the site. They either didn’t know or couldn’t understand my question. I wanted them to be horrible, to laugh at me or to tell me to fuck off or something. But they were nice, they tried their best to understand what I was asking and said that I can’t go in, even though I didn’t ask. From here I went back to the bike. Fuchsbau didn’t open until 5 so I cycled around the forest for half an hour and then got a pint and sat in the beer garden. It’s changed a lot, feels more trendy. A member of staff came out and told me they have found a table for me inside, I went indoors and had another pint and some chips. Cycled home, as I went past JHQ I realised that most of the cars parked at the official entrances to JHQ had gone. Got back to the Airbnb and reviewed the footage from the day, most of my footage is ruined by raindrops on the lens – it’s possible that I could still use some of it but it might not be great. Looked at Google maps as I think I saw a possible way in at the corner of Trenchard and Brialmont. It would be risky and best attempted when it’s dark which would make filming difficult, but if it works it would be a sure fire way of getting to Farfar Way, think I will attempt it tomorrow night. Went to bed
Day 5 – Friday 1st April
Woke up around 11:00am, now I’ve put my focus more onto afternoons/evenings I’ve stopped setting my alarm. Had some muesli, a cup of tea and some cheese on toast. Did some editing with some of the footage I shot yesterday. Some of the stuff looking through the fence is quite interesting, I like how the fence comes in and out of focus, I also really like the shot walking into JHQ and along Sussex and Lincoln Drive. Unsure about whether or not I will leave this footage with it original audio or add some kind of voiceover. Watched another episode of Curb while it was exporting. The raindrops on the footage do look pretty ugly, on a few of the shots they work ok and aren’t so noticeable, but on the shot walking up Sussex and Lincoln they are quite distracting, maybe too distracting. But don’t really know what I can do about it other than reshoot. Got back in contact with Adrian but still no reply, it’s looking like drone footage is going to be essential as access really is much harder than I anticipated. Either way I decided to go to JHQ slightly later than usual today and that I will attempt to get to Forfar Way. I don’t think that I’ll be able to get any footage of other locations I had planned on shooting such as the Church, Cinema, School or Shops which is a shame as I don’t know what else will fill out the film. Possibly instead the structure of the film will just loosely follow the walk from Portadown Way to Forfar Way, but then the Rugby Pavilion scene wouldn’t fit. Experimented with some other editing options for a while such as the Echo effect, which is quite interesting, Adrian replied saying he would reply later so I had to wait in the flat. Had a video call with Lizzie and finally decided to head out at around 5:15pm. As I left the flat it started snowing again, quite light but it continued the whole time I was cycling up to the possible way in I had seen last night. By the time I got to Koch I was soaked and freezing. Got to the place and the guard was still parked up. Feeling defeated, I cycled back to the flat. Made some pasta for dinner. Still no confirmation from Adrian. Began to think of all the things I should have done differently with this film so far. Went to bed
Day 6 – Saturday 2nd April
Woke up around 10:00am. The weather looks more suitable for filming. Continued to do some editing, the Echo effect is quite interesting but it takes a long time to process and export. Feel like I’m wasting time editing while I’m out here, but I guess that’s why I’m doing it. Hopefully today I will be able to film some stuff as it’s my last chance really. Still haven’t had a reply from Adrian. Pushed the Echo effect too far and ended up with something very abstract but quite interesting, something to further experiment with when I’m back in Glasgow. Spoke with some of my friends about how I feel like I started this project too soon, and how I should have waited until I had more experience and knew what I was doing more, they were very supportive but I still feel like I’ve let people down. I know now that I likely won’t be able to get to 2 Forfar Way, so need to come up with some alternative. I am thinking that I will instead film all the other houses that are easily accessible around the edge of the camp or the area that isn’t fenced off. Using different sections from these houses paired with a voiceover saying things like ‘this is not the house I lived in for 13 years’, ‘this is not the bedroom me and my brother shared’, ‘ this is not the kitchen where my sister accidentally killed my two pet goldfish’ etc. I also need to film more exterior stuff on the streets and more stuff of the fence. I think this could be an OK compromise, it’s not the film I wanted to make but it’s something. I don’t have much time left. Finally left the flat around 2:00pm, still having heard nothing from Adrian. As I left it began to snow again. The snow didn’t last too long and by the time I was at Koch the weather was ideal. Instead of parking my bike I cycled up to the spot I had considered going in at the other night and there seemed to be no security there. I cycled back and locked my bike up and then headed into JHQ. I entered at the junction of Pembroke Drive, Gloucester Drive and Lincoln Drive. I headed down Pembroke for a while, the houses here looked in worse condition than Portadown. A deer ran out into the street, saw me and darted into another garden. I went into 13 Pembroke Drive and filmed a walk through the house, this house is the exact same floorplan and layout as 2 Forfar Way, I could potentially use it as a stand in of sorts. I left the house and went back onto Pembroke Drive. I could see Cassels House at the end of the road and saw the fence cutting me off from it, it looked like the fence was on Trenchard Road not Marlborough Road (I had previously seen the fence running down Marlborough at the bottom of Portadown, if the fence is at the point on Trenchard then I could potentially get to 2 Forfar Way, but I imagine the fence was actually on Marlborough). Not wanting to be too close to the fence I cut through the forest behind Pembroke towards Buckingham Way, while in the woods I saw a wild boar. I went into 8 Buckingham Way and filmed another walk through the house, this house was a different layout, not one I was familiar with. I had decided to head out now as I had been in JHQ quite a while and feared I was pushing my luck. So ran down to Wrexham Way, mistaking it for Lewes Way. While on Wrexham I went into 5 Wrexham Way and filmed another walk. From here I crossed Kinross Drive, went down Bodmin Walk and Lewes Walk and was back out of JHQ. Went back to the bike and cycled home. On the way I stopped at Lidl and picked up some lemonade, a toblerone and some sponges. Once back at the airbnb I started to edit and restructure the film using my new footage. Spoke to Alex Colley and Charlie Davies, turns out I was so close to both of their old houses, only being in houses I have a connection with was my original plan and now I know where 2 more are I am going to have to go back and try and get into those. Had a late dinner of some pasta and went to bed
Day 7 – Sunday 3rd April
Left the shutters open to try and help me wake up earlier, but all that ended up doing was making it harder to get to sleep. In the end I woke up around 9:00am anyway regardless. Monika’s partner, Michael, came round to give me to a lift to Monchengladbach station – I had forgotten to specify pm in my text asking for a lift. I apologised and got on with my breakfast. Did some dishes and made a start at tidying the flat and then headed out around 10:00am. The weather today was beautiful, which made cycling much more enjoyable but was an indication that there would be lots of dog walkers again. I cycled through Peel and into Koch, I decided to again cycle past the gate at the bottom of Marlborough Road to see if the guards car was parked there again. It wasn’t but 3 other cars were all parked up on the other side of the fence and around 5 people were gathered around the cars. They all had quite sturdy looking outfits on, but they also had very small children and dogs with them so I wasn’t sure what they were up to. I cycled up to the main entrance before looping back round to not look too suspicious and also to check for cars parked up at the other gates – there were 2 more at the Norwich Walk gate, but this was pretty standard. As I came back past the cars gathered outside the bottom of Marlborough Road another car had joined them and the gate was wide open, I also noticed they all had something written on the back of their cars, I didn’t quite catch it but it was something like ‘Mittenschtaffen’. Unsure what to do with people clearly about to go into the camp on some official business, despite having small children with them which still didn’t make sense, I decided to wait at the benches at the edge of Koch for a while. After a while I thought it would be best to lock the bike and walk around the perimeter to try and get an idea of what was going on. I walked up the edge parallel with Gloucester Drive and then through the woods along Lincoln Drive. As I came back out onto the footpath back towards Peel I saw a black 4×4 driving down the route I had just been walking up. I was very confused. I waited a while and filmed some shots of some bird houses with JHQ in the distance behind them and walked back towards the Marlborough Road gate, thinking that the people I saw were definitely not security and I could possibly try and ask if I could go into camp with them, assuming this was what they were up to. When I got back all the cars were gone, the gate was now closed and the security car was parked up inside the gate. All of this had taken place within the space of an hour and I really had no idea what was going on or why there was so much activity around JHQ today. Did another walk around the perimeter, when there were no dogwalkers or cars that could clearly see me I made my way into JHQ, heading straight for Bodmin Walk up Lewes Walk. As I got close to number 2 I noticed an open window, I climbed through the window and filmed a walk around the house. I quickly filmed some exterior stuff and headed out. I could have filmed more but I didn’t want to risk getting caught and having the 2 Bodmin Walk footage being deleted. Got back to the bike and cycled to the flat. Once home I transferred the footage over to my laptop and made a start on some editing, trying to work out the best structure for the film to take. Finished off my pasta and mushrooms and did the dishes. Packed my bags and watched some more Curb. I had now realised that my flight tomorrow wasn’t at 7:35am but instead 7:35pm, so I didn’t need to leave for the airport tonight and wait overnight like I had wrongly anticipated. Finished off most of the food I had bought and went to bed
Day 8 – Monday 4th April
(DAY 8 REMAINS BLANK)
Comments on the Trip
At the time I felt that this trip was a failure; most of the locations I felt were crucial to the film I didn’t manage to get to, the drone footage I wanted to get didn’t happen and I hardly even got into JHQ. However, since getting back I think that these flaws which I had initially felt would ruin the film are actually an integral part of the film, not being able to get back to so many of the central locations was what happened and maybe this could lead to some interesting themes to explore, the disconnect between memory and reality and the idea that maybe memories are best left alone.
Conor McBride 